Urghh....

So I was showering just now (I love doing that in my hall. The showers are fucking awesome!) and a few random bits of thoughts came (that happens quite often as I stare blankly into the wall ahead of me =p)

So anyway, I remember when I was eating out in London one night with a couple of friends, when we saw a guy eating alone. This friend then promptly remarked "I see people eat alone like damn sad one lo".

W.T.F. I just kept quiet.

But it's actually pretty depressing how eating alone is considered sad because people tend to think that you don't have any friends or family to eat with. Which is bullshit. I used to eat out alone quite often in back in Malaysia, because my parents didn't come back till late at night, and I couldn't cook, so eating out was the easiest option. I guess I was really awkward about it at first, but the more I did it, the more I found out that I loved it.

That's why since I secretly went out to Bosphorus last Tuesday night to eat alone, because I missed eating alone and just reading so much. Every single meal since coming to London has been either with friends or kitchenmates. I guess I just missed the peace and contentment that comes with slowly enjoying your meal without having to go through agonising small talk.

That, and it's actually pretty sad how scared we are of being alone.

"I don't want to eat out alone, like damn sad and lonely only"
"I don't want to stay in on a Saturday, it's like damn sad"

I don't know whether I should be saying this proudly or not, but I really don't mind being alone. I don't think I could stand being alone for a prolonged period of time, but generally, I don't mind being alone. I do not find staying at home on a Saturday night using my computer or reading or whatever "sad" in any way at all (and the worst part is, I don't voice this out because people tend to go "omg u damn sad wei"). Meh, teenage social pressures are fucked up.

That, and good god, I've had enough of people. Parties here, gatherings there, fuck it all man. It feels like my life in London right now is in a downward spiral, and I'm powerless to stop it. I'm getting overwhelmed by having to wake up in the morning by myself so I don't miss classes, cooking, washing, studying, so many other things. And there's never enough time to do it all.

What I need right now is a break. A nice long break where I can get my life in order once again.