RESULTS : 20th August fckkkkk

So I've been watching a few movies lately, and so far, have been incredibly disappointed with all of them.

Obssessed - The best of the bunch. That's not saying much to be honest, seeing that it's practically the best of the worst. Was on Pranav's birthday if I'm not mistaken. The stalker, while creepy, is pretty hot. I think I spoilt the show for the friend (can't remember who) who was sitting next to me cause I was constantly laughing at all the cliched parts.

The Proposal - Lol. I got conned into watching this rom com nonsense. "Let's go watch The Taking of Pelham 123 tomorrow". Okay. So went in , and was saying "Eh, I just realized I can watch this show even though it's 18sg". ......The title came up, The Proposal. Diuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Hrm. A few laughs here and there, but it was generally crappy. Or maybe I'm just really biased against rom coms.

GI Joe - The action scenes in this movie, while disturbingly overdone, was awesome. The dialogue... not so. "Call me.....commander". Phail. Friend next to me was sniggering like crazy, saying "Even Rambo had better dialogue than this (inside joke, watched this with him). Sigh.

Who wants to watch The Taking of Pelham 123? =D

Results are coming out on 20th August. And I'm truly truly scared this time. It's this constant feeling of fear at the back of my head where ever I go. It's at its worst when I'm at home, surfing or watching TV. It strikes, and I'm left nauseous. And I'm scared. I'm so scared.

What if I do manage to achieve the conditions? Then I'll fly off, to an unknown country without knowing anybody except for my brother. I'll be leaving everybody and everything I know here for the next few years. And it's so scary when I think of it like that. How will I ever be able to cope?

And what if I don't? What if I do fuck up my maths? I don't know which scares me more, this, or actually achieving the conditions. I don't know how I'll be able to stand the intense disappointment. Or how I'll be able to stay another 4 years in Malaysia, knowing I could have been having the time of my life in London.

Sometimes it gets so unbearable. And the worst thing is, I know I have people that I can talk to about this with. I've never been a social butterfly, but it's quite comforting to know that I do have a few good friends behind me. But I can never bring myself to ask them to listen to all my fears and insecurities. In fact, the things I publish here are probably only a quarter of what I want to blurt out, but don't. And sometimes the weight gets so tiring. (OMFG EMO. Yep. kthxbye)

This holidays... it's such an incredible see saw. Bouts of happiness, of sadness, and whatever in between. Sometimes it feels as if I go out and meet friends and what not, not for the pleasure, but to escape the terror that I feel whenever I start thinking.

""I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom."
— Edgar Allan Poe

Sigh. And fuck the JPA camp next week. I know it's supposed to be just like any other camp, but strangely, I find myself dreading it. I don't know why.

Ciao.

Ear food - Yui Ear Food
*ERGO PROXY FTW. +D