Sigh.

I'm tired.

To have so many relationships with so many people, and yet, to find so many of them unsatisfactory and boring (on my part. I have to literally force myself to say yes to going out and talking with them) , and yet, I have to act nice and spend time with them to keep them going.

Because if I don't , and when they break, loneliness floods in.

God, I wonder, when I will finally snap and just tell them all FUCK YOU right in the face.

Sorry. I'm just really sick of this constant frustration.

Ear food -
YUI - Again
YUI - Sea
Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home

SIGH. YUI is so awesome. Seriously, nothing beats lying in bed listening to her voice after a tiring day. Tokyo, Goodbye Days, Again and Sea are my current favourites. "Minna minna denki geska?" Awesome. You know what, I'm going to blog about her at the spur of the moment. My god...her voice. So god damn soothing. Sigh. That, and I love the way she constantly looks as if she's contemplating something. Fans have once said "She rarely smiles". That's certainly a welcome departure from the crap bubblegum-pop "cute"/sexy female singers. High five for non-retarded "oh my god, love is like t3h best thing in the world!" female singers who don't bare half their damn breasts. Hurray!

That, and god, is she a great songwriter. Sure, some of her songs are about love, but I love her other ones.

Tokyo - about her moving from her hometown to go to Tokyo to start a new career, and her uncertainties.
"The day has come for me to leave
this room I’ve been used to living in
I’m still bewildered at this new journey"

Life - My favourite song - lyrics wise. I don't really like the rock melody of it, so I don't listen to it often. Still, a great pick-me-up when you think everything around you is shit.
"It’s full of mud, that city I can’t get used to
I can’t smile in the same way again
I was looking down as I walked
Fast-paced, the people who walk past each other
“Has my dream come true?” I’m still struggling
Rather than returning to my childhood days,
I want to try to live well now
Being afraid is human nature"

Sea - Whenever I listen to this song, I get the mental image of her sitting on a beach, with a few friends, just enjoying the moment. Really relaxing.
"things that make you feel down
while you’re living, they’re always going to be there
in the soft sunlight, cry
it shows me every time
in the wind, smiling" "everyone, everyone, are you doing well? ah <--- lol"

Again - The lyrics are a bit wonky for this one. Still, the way she sings it, I feel that there's this underlying frustration that permeates the whole song. Like she wants to break free. Which is exactly what one of my friends was saying about this piano piece

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_v7VOZ1Icg&feature=related

"It’s not that I want to go back
to the days of back then,
I’m just searching
for the sky I’ve lost…

What was I
running from?
…from reality?
To make my wish come true,
I’ll continue living,"

Haha. Weird. The more I read my blog, the more I realize I'm making it more exclusive to myself. I know the majority of my readers won't actually read these lyrics and what not, but it feels like therapy for me, just writing (well typing, but wtv) all this down.

Time to end it with a few new HnC quotes! =D

"When I was young, I saw God once. If...if there is no brush and paper, then what is the meaning of my life? How can I survive alone among so many people? Ah yes. Because I always have my brush and paper with me that's why I'm okay. My drawing has always been there for me to keep going. Oh God, if one day I give up drawing, I'll return my life back to you immediately"

"Hearing that for the first time, I realized that I was empty inside. Up until that point, I was blindfolding myself to many things because I had to "take care of my mother"

"They were different from something as simple as friends or lovers to me. We lived in the same room, ate the same food, and breathed the same air. I came to think of them as part of my body."

Sigh. To end the post. what I have been doing?
*Edited. I sound like I'm bloody bragging*. A mixture of going out and staying at home. Nuff said.

Sigh. Holidays not turning out to be what I imagined it. Some parts have been great though, coming back late and staying up till 2 with the lights off, watching HnC 2.

Ciao.