Resolution + Wish List for 2009

I know, everybody's doing this.

I am a sheep, thus I will follow the crowd.

Goodbye 2008. You've taught me a great amount of lessons, and painful times and what not, that I feel that I've grown up. Even if it's just a little.

So, my resolution + wish list.

1) Get rid of my social anxiety. Alright, I'm coming clean with this. I'm horrible at making friends. Like I found out this year, when I'm thrust into a new environment with nobody to back me up, I fail. Horribly. Some people can do this very naturally, but I can't. I lose every single bit of confidence I have, and thus find it very hard to actually start up a conversation with people. Hell, I go to the extent of avoiding them. This might seem at odds with the loud confident noisy self I am when I'm with the people I know, but that's because I'm in my comfort zone. Push me out, and I'm gone. I'll admit, I did some things that are so incredibly sad, and am so ashamed to admit, I cringe whenever I think of them.

I will not justify them, but I understand why I did them. The fear of rejection, and awkwardness and what not, I was affected by them so much I guess I shut my self off. I regret that now. That same fear has brought me so much pain, that I want to face it, say fuck you, and move on.

I've decided. I'm going to go and meet new people, no matter how painfully awkward it will be for me, or how nerve wracking. I want to go to uni, and make friends, and enjoy it as much as I did with secondary school. And that won't happen with me being scared to mix around, and talking to people. Thus, next semester, I'm going to try and make friends with the new batch. To be honest, this has been very hard to say as it is a part of me that I'm very very ashamed of. I hope, that by facing my fears, and just trying my best, I'll be able to overcome it. Besides, the more times I do this, the easier and less awkward it becomes. I hope.

2) Stop being such a bloody snob. Yes. Specifically, when it comes to people's taste. For years and years now, whenever I see something that I don't agree with or don't like, I tend to laugh at the people who do it. But hell, who am I to judge whether it's wright or wrong. Whether its good or bad. Everybody has their own damn tastes and likings, so just because I don't like it doesn't mean its bad. I was actually inspired by this by reading a no-music-snobs forum. The metal heads were bashing the mainstream listeners, and the mainstream listeners were laughing at them back. Finally, people had enough of it and set up a group where nobody laughs or criticizes anybody. Hell, I like certain mainstream songs, but I also like indie songs. Just cause I don't like the songs you listen to doesn't mean it's bad taste, and vice versa.

3) I want to go see an orchestra, particularly, Eminence, Play! or Joe Hisashi. I've never really been a fan of classical music (Beethovan and what not) , but I love those videogame compositions that are arranged, and played by the groups over.

4) I hope I can go to UK to study. =D

5) I want to take a trip around the country. I know, naive, but still. I want to open up my horizons. I want to see new things, I want to experience new stuff, I want to develop and mature as a person. I think this will be a serious self-confidence booster, as I'll have to meet new people and what not on the trip. Anybody up for this?

6) I want to be nicer. Now, when I say nicer, I don't mean like acting all good and what not. Or stop bitching, or swearing, or laughing at people I know. That, to me, is all in the name of good fun, so I don't find anything wrong with it. But I don't want to laugh or make fun of people who aren't close to me. I mean, hell, I know how it feels like to be ostracized and left out (damn, why the fuck am I telling out all my secrets. Ah well, I hope this helps) or how it feels to be so incredibly lonely. I know that now, and I hated it so badly, that I don't want to inflict that on anybody I know. People act annoying, or irritating, or unlikable, because they don't know what else to do. When you're pushed into a corner, you lose your self confidence, and you can't find any way else to express yourself. So what if that guy isin't "cool" or whatever? Screw it. I'm not going to make fun of him because he studies all the time, or because he doesn't mix with us (which is probably due to him having low self esteem). When we spend so much time hating someone and focusing on someone's negative points, I think we fail to see the good points in them. So, here's my sorry to all the people I have wronged.

7) I want to get my driver's license. Nuff said.

8) ....I think before the end of the term, I'll confess to her. She's one of the very few girls that I think about whenever I don't see her. Hell, only two people have made me feel that way, this girl and...err. Secret =D Yx knows though.

9) Live life. I know, cliche. But I want to live it out loud. Carpe diem, or whatever. I want to laugh, to cry, to experience all its ups and downs. The last thing I want to do is sit at home and stare up into the ceiling (which I don't, but citing an example)

Happy 2009 peeps. May it be a fucking good year.