Memories

Ah...2008. The year that was. or will be was. Whatever.

I've got a resolution list, which I'll be posting tommorow (hey, let's leave it until the very last day of 2008)

But what I want to post about are my memories.

December is admittedly, the month of self reflection and what not. I've been spending quite a lot of times studying, and frequently, my mind wanders off and I start recalling random moments.

Some memories so happy, I'll just lie back and smile at the ceiling. Some of them so painful, I get those weird little twanges that shoot through your heart when your about to cry (which I didn't, but still).

So many things have flashed through my mind, and I thought I would like to list down some of them. I guess I'm immortalizing them, capturing those memories in this blog before they fade away from me.

Happy happy memories. (This is a long list, and even then, barely a fraction of what goes through my mind when i reminisce about the past)

Memories of us playing in the CELL room (I can't remember for fuck what the name was. You know, Suneeta's English room). Us acting out some porn movie, with groping breasts like playing mahjong.

Of Pranav pinching my nipples while I'm sleeping, which causes me to shout Fuck very nearby the college office.

Of crying so hard the first time I watched 5 cm per second.

Of screaming "Like whatever. Fuck off bitch" with Dennis and Kumaran and laughing like mad.

Of playing basketball everyday during the beginning of college, ending up sweaty with Ananth's strong BO everyday. (Man, I miss that fella)

Of reading a book during Physics class (with sexual elements in it. Not pornographic, it was part of the plot), which Chew promptly read too, and ended up laughing due to the words "furry mounds" (Don't ask)

Of lying in the my bed in my room with the music on, talking to Yong Xin

Of going to the Ramadhan market with the dudes, and eating it in my house.

Of getting lost in Petaling Street for about half an hour with Chee Yip, just to get to the beef ball noodles.

Of walking back up the hill at about 7 at night after Kanna-ing with Vincent, thinking to myself how beautiful the world was as I looked at the city, filled with lights.

Of anticipating council meetings, so I could laugh so hard until I had tears in my eyes.

Of sitting in my room, reminiscing about the fun I had with the people I knew, and how those times had come to an end.

Of the class reunion, the BBQ and the late night basketball.

Of me being fanatical about Stan, and writing an essay about it during the competitions.

Of first playing table tennis with Kian Guan, and smirking knowing that he was going easy on me (I still lost to that fucker)

Of trying to convince Ian and Pranav that I had a girlfriend before (which ended up as them going around asking "Eh, you believe or not whether Jon had a girlfriend. W.t.f.)

Of screaming and cursing and laughing like mad when I went to the CC with Ka hui and the rest, how the hours flew by, and how I degenerated into an angry sweary laughing monster with a RPD (COD4 =D)

Of trying to convince Joseph to watch Honey and Clover (hell, any of my classmates in fact) and getting laughed at for it.

Of Ikea-ing with Nigel, and the whole business with stoning (Mark, you're my stoning bro =D)

Of having powder shoved into my face by Alex

Of late night mamaks with the idiots who make me laugh so hard

Of remembering how shocked I was when I heard Rayna say "gangbang"

Of standing the hilltop, and seeing a cloud shaped like a hand grabbing something

Of studying for a minimum of 10 hours a day during the exam period, and finding out that I wasn't the only one

Of sitting at the pool with Bong, Gab and Pranav, and talking. Then going back to the apartment only to have Isuru start planning on buying liqueur.

Countless memories of being in the student lounge, or in the library laughing and bitching

Of eating steamboat with Jason and the rest, being so happy as the night sped past.

Of being thrown into the air during OB night, and failing horribly at attempts to dance

And yet....

Not all the memories were good.

Memories of me lying in my bed at night, crying and crying

Of looking up to the ceiling, repeating the song "Easier to Run" from Linkin Park.

Of feeling as if my heart was being stabbed...it felt like my heart was crying

Of sitting at the canteen tables, wondering "WTF am I here".

Of feeling alone even among a sea of people

Of staring out the window in my house, thinking "when will this ever end"

Of going through a very depressed state of mind half way through the year. It was so bad, I had to shut my blog down for the moment, because I felt I needed to express what I felt, but didn't have the balls to show it. I still have the drafts saved here.

But these memories...

I hope they stay alive in me. The good ones and the bad ones. They're so precious, so important to me.

There are times when I feel that I don't want to try anymore. I just want to stop, to give it all up. And then I remember all these...and I remember the people I love.
I remember all the times I've laughed so hard I cried, and I cried so much I had to laugh at myself.

Writing all this down has made me realize, you know what, life really isin't that bad at all.

Sure, there are times when we're lonely, when we're insecure, when we're hurt so badly all we can do is cry.

But there's times where I was so happy , it felt like my heart would burst. My biggest wish would be to encapsule all these moments in time, to hold them dear and just laugh. There were times where I wish I could stop time, and just hug the people around me and say "Thank you. Thank you for making my life so enjoyable".

All these memories......

Appreciate life for what it is. Embrace its ups with a smile and laughter, and suffer through the bad times , knowing that there'll be a rainbow at the end. (It's been scientifically proven anyway)

Live life. Laugh. Smile. Cry. Scream....

...love. Someday, all of this will be a distant mammary. (sorry, I just had to). And I want to look back, and think.... I loved these people.

The world is beautiful, for all its ups and downs.

Quote - "This world...I think we like it". She and her cat