Exam Stress

Another month of crazy experiences.

I'm sorry blog, but I'm going to have to keep this short. My exams are in 3 weeks time. No matter how much I tell myself it's 3.5 (because I do have 3.5 weeks left, but I've got a business test to study for in 4 days) weeks left to go.

And I've barely started.

To be honest, I came to Imperial not really hoping for a 1st class. I just knew I wanted to experience university life to the fullest. And I have failed in both respects. So many things I wanted to do, but never got my ass up to do it. And now I'm regretting not doing any work.

Mastery tests hit me hard. Really really hard. The night before, I couldn't sleep. I just lay in my bed for 2 hours on the verge of panic for the final exams.

And then I realized, how much I needed my mum at that point. It never really occurred to me that every exam, I would talk to my mum about how scared I was, and she was always there, being a pillar of strength and support. And without her for this exam, I felt lost. I wanted to turn to someone, to push all my fear on to someone, and she always was there. Not this time.

I realized then how much growing up I needed to do. And how much I miss home.

Today, I finally talked to her after a long time, and all my fears and regrets came pouring out. And she was there, to calm me down, to tell me once again that she knew what I was capable and how she knew I could do it.

I felt so much calmer then. Frightened, still, but now with a motivation to work hard so I'll never have to see that look of disappointment ever again. These 3 weeks are going to be hard, and I'll have to admit, I need all the support I can get.

Thanks mum. I love you.

And good god, this girl is giving me mixed signals. I don't want to blog about the things that have happened (I sometimes wonder whether I'm putting extra meaning into her actions) but I can't help but think of you all the time. Damn it.

Oh well. It's time to get started. 3 weeks of very very hard work. Wish me luck guys. I'll need it.