Hello blog. It's been a long time since I've talked to you. I'm sorry, but life has just been this tumble of emotions and experiences and such highs and such lows. It only seems fair that I tell you what's been going on with my life for the past few months.

January and February seemed to pass by with a blur of laughter, immensely fun acting practices. It was 2 months of letting the Jon inside me slip away, and letting Shelly take over. It was 2 months of laughter, of immense camaraderie, of sitting and talking, of dinners together, of basking in the knowledge that we were all in this together. It was 2 months of coming back totally drained, and yet forcing myself to stay awake and get my work done for the spring test, of jacking up on caffeine, of sometimes (well constantly) feeling that the burden was too heavy, and I would break under all of it.

It was 2 months of feeling more alive than I've ever been. And they're finally over. I lament their loss, but all good things must come to an end. And oh god, what an explosive ending it was. I have never felt more like part of a team, a team that has worked so hard for so long , to achieve 2 nights of greatness. And on those 2 nights, for the first time in my life, it really didn't matter how the crowd reacted. It didn't matter whether they liked it or not. All that mattered to me was that we had done all we could, and we had worked so hard, and we weren't going to let such a small thing as crowd reaction ruin what was a result of 3 months of hard hard work. And as I walked out during the curtain call as the announced Jonathan Chin as Sissy Sheldon Lee, I had to hold back tears as the crew and crowd started applauding for the actors.

And it meant so much to me that this was one chance I didn't let slip away. I'm tired of letting things pass me by because I was too scared to take a leap of faith.

It's 4 in the morning, and after 3 hours of dancing and 3 shots of alcohol, I question myself, what I am still doing up talking to you, my blog ? I suppose it's because of dancing at a club with all the Malaysian freshers, and realizing that there's only one girl I dare to look straight into the eye and dance with. It's not so much the lack of self confidence than the glaring fact that my life has been so male dominated. That I can count on one hand the amount of girls that I've had actual close friendships with, those that surpass the shallow small talk. And it hurts. I suppose I've never really had much trouble making friends with guys, but I never found it easy to connect with any girl. It's not so much that I'm missing out on a chance to get a girlfriend than it is that I'm missing out on experiencing a completely different friendship from a male-male one.

If I could, I'd turn back the clock and start all over again.

Until then, I'll just wait until I can find a girl who can see that there's more to me than the loud laughter, the constant talk about girls , the teasing, the alcohol drinking and constant playfulness.

Till then, goodnight blog.