Heaven's not enough

Just got off a very long conversation with a friend on the phone(Lol, was just expecting a "Jon I'm so bored of studying" conversation, which somehow flowed into our problems and worries and the future) (weird, why I am using my phone to talk with other people so often nowadays?).

It felt really good. It feels like a burden's been lifted off my chest, even though I know the circumstances haven't changed, I feel like I can continue fighting on, even if for bit more.

Life's...really so hard sometimes. There are times where we just want to give up, lie down, and sleep it all away. I think this is one of those periods for me, and I do not think I would be able to forgive myself if I just ran away.

Cowards run.

There's this manga out there, called What A wonderful World by Asano Inio, and it's a collection of short stories depicting all the difficulties we go through.

There's a story of a girl who gets bullied, but still puts up a brave front, but a talking crow serves as her consciousness, her desire to break down, and just die so that the pain would stop. She enters a dangerous race organized by her classmates, and almost dies because she didn't brake soon enough. It's portrayed that it was done on purpose, and yet...she says"I was glad that I didn't die"

Or about a bully , who acts as a model student in front of the teachers. The bully berates his victim (who has decided to shut himself in his room and not attend school) for being weak, and yet the victim asks "Aren't you the weaker one?". The next day, the bully falls over the railing saying "Life's so hard sometimes.."

And manages to grasp the railing on his fall.. "But you cling to it all the same"

Or about the guy who failed his examinations, and spends his days loitering around. "We might have dreams, but all we do is waste our times waiting. People think we're dumb anyway. But now, I know thing are moving forward for me....forward into the crimson sunset"

Or another quote that I love "To be frank, I don't know you and I have no idea what it is to be like in your shoes, but I do know that while life can be a bitch sometimes, it also has its good moments. So don't let anything and you down and keep on living."

And I found it so profoundly true. Life's so full of ups and downs. I might moan and bitch about the past year, but the truth is, I've had a lot of good times and memories. I think that's what makes life so beautiful, the fact that it's not (Quoted from Kino's Journey).

And how would one know happiness if one does not know it's opposite? I'm listening to this song , Heaven's not enough by Steve Corte and basically its a question of going to Heaven and not being happy , because you would not experience unhappiness. "You see the things you only want to see".

I treasure my friendships now more than ever, because I know how absolutely lost and miserable I was without them.

I know that at times, I'll give in to my insecurities. I'll be unhappy, I'll rage, I'll cry. But I'll fight on.

Because it's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and still get up (Rocky)

*Sorry about the latent melancholy and sadness that has permeated my blog for the past year. This has always been my sanctuary, to run away to when I'm feeling down, and my gloominess has overtaken this blog. I know it gives the impression that I'm just this sad loner, but looking from an outsider's view, I think my life's pretty okay. I've got friends, good grades and stuff like that. I go out, laugh, go for movies and dinners and all that crap. It's just that certain things ... are making me very unhappy now.

And peoi yarn, glad to know it helped. I don't know what's going on, but hey, great if it makes you feel better =D

Cheers.

Ear Food
Cloud 9 - maaya sakamoto