Memories

The moment I saw her again, I realized just how badly I missed her. I found myself stealing a glance at her every once in a while, seeing how different she was from the image I had of her in mind.

And it broke my heart to know, that all I would ever be in her eyes was a friend.

Still, life goes on. And I wonder, when will I ever find a girl like her again? I've generally preferred hanging out with dudes more than girls, but this girl was one of the very few I actually liked to be with.

On to happier things, last Saturday, went out hotel-hopping, looking for potential venues for our coming OB night. I think it's really cool being on the student council. This would the first ever time, I've actually had to go out, and talk to adults about actual business. Still, Pranav did most of the talking, but hey, I still learned a lot. It's an awesome experience, and I'm grateful for it. And besides, walking around in a formal shirt + jeans is bloody awesome. I think I'll actually wear it to college one day XD

And there's this one thing I've been wanting to blog about for weeks, but never really could find the inspiration or motivation to do it.

I constantly feel like we're all threads, threads on this cloth we call life. As we grow up, we meet hundreds of different people, different threads from all walks of life. During these times, our threads intersect, weaving together, until the time we must part. Our threads unravel from there, each of us going our separate ways. I look back, to all the threads I've intersected with. The people I loved. I wonder now, looking around me, seeing all the people I know. I wonder how will our fates play out? Will we all just go our separate ways, where the only remnants of our times together are memories?

...How will my fate play out?

How will my thread weave through life?

"In time, there will come a day when everything is just a memory". I wonder , one day, when I grow old and wrinkled, will I be able to look back, reminiscing about the past, and smile, memories of all the people I've grown to love rushing back?

....Will the people I know remember me as fondly as I remembered them?

How will our lives play out? The future looks so uncertain right now, and I fear going through life forgetting about all the people that matter, and used to matter to me.

To be honest, I've been thinking a lot about what I want in life.

I'm growing bored of this routine I have to go through everyday. It feels like I'm just blindly forging my way through, not even stopping to think whether I like what I'm doing.

It feels like I'll never be able to escape from this, the constant pressure to succeed, to get into a good university, the pressure to make lots of friends and what not.

Is this really what life is all about? Studying, going out, friends, and everything else?

I'm struggling to find meaning to what I'm doing. I want to know what it is I want in life. I want to know what's the meaning in all that I'm doing.

I've grown weary of the constant pressure to succeed, the constant pressure to make new friends, all the responsibilities that I have to deal with.

I wonder when I'll truly be free.

*OMG EMOOOOOOOOO. lol-cat. Yep. Live with it.

*Damn. I want my bloody gap year. ==