............

Ever felt as if you were acting like someone different?

.....I don't know what the hell went wrong tonight.

Had a bbq (class reunion + farewell party) at the park. I don't know why the fuck, but I think college's changed me. I said all the wrong things, after I said them I was like "....wait. What the fuck did I just say?" Then I'll be wishing I could backtrack and retract what I had just said. Every fucking thing came out so damn wrong. ....I felt as if I was acting like the very person I had hated.

I don't know. Maybe I haven't seen those people for so long, I've forgotten what sort of person I was. I felt so different from the person I used to be. I...I think I'm beginning to forget the person I used to be.

I'm damn surprised that this happened to me while I was with people I was with for 4-5 years. I've known them so long, and 3 months has changed me so much that I feel like I acted like a stranger tonight.

I know I usually kacau people, but....everything I said tonight seemed so....over-ish. I even actually hurt Yee Yan's feelings, even though I really didn't mean it. I don't know what the hell made me say that, but it just came out. A second later, I thought "Oh my fucking god. What the fuck did I just say?" I could tell that I had hurt her. I felt like shit that time. Seriously. Full of shit.

I even felt shitty towards my friends. All of a sudden, I'm a needy piece of shit. I think I was desperately trying to cling on to what was the only remainder of my secondary life, and I was trying way too hard. It just felt so so wrong.

But I did enjoy the night though. I loved the basketball, i loved meeting the people I knew. But i did not enjoy seeing myself act like someone so foreign and hated.

Sorry guys. I don't know what's changed.

*This is not an emo post. I'm just posting what I'm really regretting.

*Eng tong. take care dei, dun go dieing on us or anything ba.