I'm so frustrated
*Reflections post*
I'm so frustrated, i'm so depressed, i'm just so near my breaking point. I just feel like curling up, crying and screaming until it goes away.
I know, emo , yes, but I've suffered this shit for so long, I'm going crazy. Once again, this "Shit" will be ambigious, but i'm sure my close friends know what I'm talking about.
It started since the week before trials. I've heard my friends telling me that it's all in my mind. That i'm just worrying so I'm causing it. I believed it, so I stopped worrying. And it went away.
I was estatic. But it came back. ITS FUCKING SEASONAL i tell you. Its like a yoyo, up and down. And the pain and depression its causing me cannot be told in words. Truly, this isin't something trivial.
I've had friends who laughed at it, and I laughed along with them. But inside, it hurts me so bloody badly. My confidence right now is so fragile, that all i need is another blow, and I'm down.
I'm so worried bout my future. What about my love life? I'm still hoping for things such as true love, but the more i think about it, the more i realize that no girl is so selfless. No girl's going to stick with me I tell you.
And yet, for all the gloominess, I've found 2 things that truly cheer me up.
1) Music. I listen to my favourite music (My immortal, and anata dake mitsumeteru. I'm in love with these songs, and their lyrics) and I've gone into my own world. Nothing else matters to me. An escape from my problem.
2) My friends. I've always been able to tell them my problems, and this is no different. For all the numerous advices I've heard (and they have helped so so much. I thank you), this is the one that convinces me that there's a light at the end of the road.
船到犞頭自然直
My friend tells me it means that for all the hardships we undergo, we will be ok at last. I hope this rings true.
I want to go through life, with a life partner. Someone I can fall back on to , someone I can hold, someone I can open up to.
But it seems so impossible now with my current condition.
Haiz.
Depressed.
posted by Jonathan Chin @ 1:54 AM
3 Comments
3 Comments:
oh, man
wanted to put something horribly sarcastic here, but you melted my heart
damn you Jonathan Chin
damn you and your heart wrenching/emo words
right, on to the comments, i shall attempt a really long one since i havent done that in awhile
i) the depression, it's all natural. that feeling that you think that giving it your best and the outcome will be pleasant? but then you think about it again and....what if...just what if, it's not enough, and the outcome goes the other way (correct me if i'm wrong, i cant be really sure here) anyways, everyone feels it, in someway or another, maybe that feeling for some people just arent as obvious to others as it is to yourself
i dont really know what you meant by your depression, but at least i gave it a shot ^^
ii) one thing i've learnt though, through PMR and all that, is that your confidence only depends on you. if you just stop thinking about all the other negative outcomes, and just focus on what it is you're aiming for, then your confidence will be regaines
iii) your future? well, no one can tell for sure, not even me. i'm not a bloody psychic or anything, i wont know whats in stall for you in the future. work hard though, thats all i can say to achieve what you want the most in your life
iv) as for love life, it's a trivial thing. some people in this world wait half their lives, waiting for their 'true love' to show up, then they realise it's just to late. you dont need to have someone perfect, just someone who makes you happy, someone who love just for the little thing he/she does (i am not implying that you are gay here, just fyi)
but, these are just my opinions, whether you like them or are just gonna hate it and delete it straight away, i dont really give a shit. i know that i've voiced out what i want to say, and knowing that is fine enough for me. i dont know you that well, heck, i barely know you. but at least just take this comment as an advice from a friend.
good luck for your spm, and for your future outtakes.
Cheers,
Queenie
Jon, seriously its nth de la..dun worry bout it le...if u feel veli depressed juz listen to the Sarah Mclachlan de ANgel it will soothe u alot o ... btw, we oways by ur side..support ya!!
Take a long time to think...
What to comment...
Actually most of the things I already gave the advices to you...
So, I'm not going to repeat here...
Just trying to say...
No matter wad, I'm always be there for you.
A little poem for you here.
Standing by,
All the way,
Here to help you through your day.
Holding you up,
When you are weak,
Helping you find what is it you seek.
Catching your tears,
When you cry,
Pulling you through when the tide is high.
Just being there,
Through thick and thin.
All just to say, you are my friend.
No matter how's the world going to change...I'm still here being right beside you...
Cheers! Don't worry too much. All will get back to it's routine. After thunderstorm, there will be a rainbow for you.
Take care, Jon. =)
-YaRn-
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