Exams are over

Exams are over!

Urgh. Finally, no more sleeping at 3, no more caffeine overdose, no more daily moaning about how fucked we are tomorrow.

I'll miss quarantine though. Loads of gossip, laughter, insanely racist jokes, talking (Read : fantasizing) about the girls in the new batch, and what not.

Still, good riddance exams. Worst papers ever.

It's the 3rd term now. No more sitting with Pranav and Chew. No more sitting at the back. No more scribbling messages or drawing stupid pictures on each other's notes to relieve the boredom. (...I was laughing so badly when I was reading my physics notes. All sorts of bullshit, from a picture of Chong + Pranav = Black curly haired Chong, to one with me and her, and out comes a piece of shit ==). No more reading books on my phone during class. No more playing around in lab. No more going out during lunch times for beef ball noodles, or Indian food.

It will be hardcore studying. No more sleeping in the library. IT WILL BE HARDCORE SUTDYING.

And, predictably, this will last during the first week, then we'll all get into our usual routine.

Anyway, there's this seriously awesome place in Kelana Jaya, that I went to after my exams.

Presenting, for the first time ever, pictures. Because words are not enough to describe it.



Meat platter. 15 bucks only.


Mine. Chicken chop. It looks small here, but its so big, I could barely finish half of it.


Premium Burger. 15 bucks! Friend couldn't finish this neither

Seriously, what the fuck. It's in a mamak atmosphere ( a dirty road side one), and yet, the food there is so bloody awesome. ITS WESTERN FOOD FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. I was skeptical at first, thinking that it would come as some lame ass chicken chop with Life Tomato Sauce at the side. And guess the price.

It came up to about 19 bucks per person.

Awesome. I am so going back there. And besides, the food was so much better than the crap you get at F1 and what not. Besides, Vincent's studying in Kelana Jaya, so I can ask him to go and eat there.

And yesterday was student council meeting. As usual, I (and the rest of us) walked away with our jaws hurting from laughing so much. Orientation is going to be awesome with what we planned.]

Oh yeah. Left 4 dead, Call of Duty 5, Red Alert 3, all are in TBun. O.M.F.G. Who wants to come for a left 4 dead spree? Yes, I'm talking to you Ka Hui. (OMG I REFERENCED YOU. THIS EQUATES TO A DEBT OF 100 F5'S K.)

On to other stuff, I've been thinking. I was reading solanin, and there was this part where the main character asked himself,

Am I happy?
"Yeah".
Am I really happy?
*silence*
Am I really really happy?
*starts crying*

It was just so provoking, that I asked myself, I am happy? I don't know neither. All my life, I've based my happiness relative to other people. I'd consider myself happy if I was as sociable as other people, if I had as many friends as other people, if I got good grades like other people, and a thousand other standards.

I think it's stupid. Why let other people influence how happy you are? I don't have a super active social life, I'm not super intelligent, I suck at sports.

But the question is, so what?

I'm happy that I've got people I can call up and say "I'm hurting real bad. Help me". I'm happy that I find beauty in the smallest things in life.

But I'm unhappy that I'm horrible at socialising, and that I'm such a shy person with people I don't know. I'm unhappy that I can get so affected by what people say.

And that's why I've been asking myself, truly, am I happy?

I don't know the answer to that.

And I'll just keep on asking, and searching. It seems stupid doesn't it. To go through so much pain just to reach something that might not even exist.

But what's the alternative? To just stop and give up? To bitch and moan, to cry out against the unfairness of the world, and the uncaring people?

I'll just live the best I can. I'll laugh, I'll cry, I'll love, I'll do it all.

Even if it's to make me feel that at least somewhere, I'm of some importance to the people around me.

"It’s never easy to understand why memories hold our hands but people let go."

"Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up, does rejoice. I guess I just miss my friend."

It saddens me that now, the only time I ever talk with them (except for Yong Xin and Vincent, and occasionally Eng Tong) is when we're planning an outing, or something along those veins.

I've made new friends here that I find myself growing more and more attached to by the day, but it still feels like a hundred knifes stabbing when I think about how far I've drifted away from them. It was good and extremely fun while it lasted, but I'll be honest (it is my blog anyway), they're not really a big part of my life anymore. Maybe our friendship just couldn't stand the trials of time and distance.

I know. Most of the people mentioned above read my blog. Maybe that's why I had to say this. When I was feeling extremely depressed, and I felt like calling someone, and I realized, I couldn't bring myself to call any of you apart from Vincent and Yong Xin, I just knew that things would never be the same again.

I'll tell everybody, I don’t care, that I've moved on and I'm fine on my own. But I can't help not believing it myself. Life's too hard without a best friend right now.

Maybe friendships aren’t meant to be saved. Maybe we’re meant to spend a certain part of our lives with certain people then move on.

So I guess you were just one of those people who were supposed to walk into my life, teach me a lesson, and then walk out.

This is more for me, than anything else.

Ciao.
Ear Food -
Ashitaka Theme - Joe Hisashi
Carry on my Wayward Son - Kansas.

*Gemma Atkinson is SMOKING HOT. God fucking damn it. Her presence in RA3 (the amount of cleavage and flesh shown is such epic win) makes the FMV's hilarious and smexy at the same time.