err...god knows what the title should be ==

*Daily + reflection post*

Shit. I'm still blogging even though I have bout 2 hours more worth of maths homework to do ==

Anyway, 2 things to talk about

Firstly, this weekend was damn busy. Saturday, went to the education fair to help out as promoter for my college from 5-7. Was expecting it to be crap, but it turned out to be quite fun XD. Went up to random people, forcing brochures into their hands, cursing them behind their backs when they just stared weirdly at me and what not. Got to know my fellow promoters and just talked around. One guy (sam) was even wearing 10kg weights on his legs! (Yeah, he's a judo practitioner. Even asked me whether I wanted to wear them, which I was quite tempted to though =). As our shift was ending , bout 6.45, 3 nigerians came up to our booth (2 dudes, 1 dudette , and 1 uber cute baby) asking bout our college. Ended up talking with them until our shift ended. Damn damn nice people. They stay here in Malaysia, and one of them is going for a degree. The baby was freaking cute I tell you. She shook our hands, and laughed everytime we did that (she's only 1 year old!) Loads of other cute stuff she did. So the whole thing was pretty cool actually. And btw, king pie and 1901 pwn hard man.

Sunday was ... ghay. went for this gay talk bout scholarships at the same education fair, which was about 1.30 hours. Damn sien, cause the presenters were quite...boring. Cept the last one, who was a foreigner, the only I didn't fall asleep. Literally.

Anyway, on to the 2nd thing, I realized I never let myself get close to the people around me, except maybe one or two. I hated acting cute and nice to them, I never actively looked for them when I was alone, I never cared when they said "Let's not be friends then", I never did anything to make them happy, I never exposed myself to them (personality wise), I didn't act caring, whenever I was sad, I would try to isolate myself from them. All in all , I never acted like I cared bout them.

I guess you would call it a bad thing, but I hated the fact that I would appear needy and dependent on them. I hated that it would seem that I needed them, and that I would be devastated if they left me.

I guess I sort of pushed them away whenever anybody tried to get close to me. Damn, thats freaking destructive.

Yet, I felt strangely...powerful. The feeling that you're dependent on yourself, and that nobody else can make you feel sad, and people cared whether you liked them or not, but not vice versa, it just felt...I don't know.

Meh. Just felt like ranting what I had in my mind lately.

*Lol. No matter how much I change, one thing I will never do is act cute or appear as if I'm super dependent on my friends. Cause that's not something I'm willing to do.

Cheers