Sentimental

*Ermm...this post is sort of about my thoughts and all...and I think it'll be sort of dry, so feel free to skip this entirely yeah*

I wonder, is there really any point in holding on to a dream/memory that seems to want to keep on running away from you?

And yet, when you finally reach it, you find out that well...its not what you were looking for? As if things changed/weren't what you were expecting.

I'm quite surprised at myself. For the past few weeks, I can't seem to get her face out of my mind. Its the first time I've ever found myself constantly missing a girl. I've had my fair share of crushes and stuff, but...never until the point where I keep on thinking about her.

I've known her for quite a while now, and I've always just thought of her as a friend, but lately... I think I don't want us to remain only friends anymore.

I desperately want to see her, to make her laugh, to hold her as she smiles...just to have her by my side.

And yet, ... I don't want her to be by my side. I won't know what to say, how to make her laugh, and just how to make her happy. I've always been bad when it comes to talking with a person 1 on 1, and the fear of failing in front of her is constantly holding me back.

Yet, I feel as if I have hope sometimes. She calls me once in a while, sms-es and generally we get along quite good I guess. Yet sometimes I feel as if I really don't have a chance. My messages don't get replied half the time, and I'm not really super close to her.

Deep down, I think that I know that I don't really stand a chance. She's got somebody in her mind, somebody funnier, more interesting, more caring.

And I lay wondering sometimes, is it really worth it to try? To forget about all the inhibitions and fears and restraints I have put on myself every time I think about going after a girl, due to my own insecurities. My fear of failing, of messing up so badly stops me from doing any of the other things guys do when they like a girl. Put shortly, I don't have the balls.

Just know this, if you read this post, I miss you. I want to see you again, even if for a little while, to smile back when you smile too.

Off the topic of infatuation, I think its really strange how life and the people we meet are. You come to realize just how fragile the bonds between the people you know really are. Once was a bond as strong as a rock has now become a thin thread connecting all of us together. Its strange, and weird what time and distance does to people.

Still, I find myself forging new bonds each day now. Bonds which I am happy to have, and struggle to strengthen. People who I now look forward to meeting every day. I was so afraid to lose the ones I already had, but time has a weird way of changing the way you think. I'm glad that I left behind my childish desires and idealism as the days turned into months. There really is no progressing in the present or looking in to the future if the only thing you can see in your tunnel vision is the past. Thank you 5 cm per second for that. I've realized one of life's important lessons from you.

People change, things change, and relationships dissolve into dust. But memories will never change, no matter how much the people in them do.

Lastly, I've been wondering. What goes through a person's head before he/she dies? Does he remember what he has accomplished, or how much wealth he had, or what type of lifestyle he has led? Personally , I would think that as a person's about to take his final breath, all other things will become immaterial. The money, the sex, the games. The only thing that he would still be able to see are the dreams he had accomplished and the people he met. The people he hoped would be as proud of him as he was as proud as them.

Cheers. (Sorry for the semi-depressing post, I'm feeling really ... sentimental right now after watching 5 cm per second. Amazing how much a show can inspire you)

Ear food :
The Call - Regina Something (Prince Caspian ending song)

*Here's a few quotes I really really like*
If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell. - Lance Armstrong

Once someone asked me what pleasure I got out of riding my bike for so long. "Pleasure?" I asked. "I don't understand the question. I didn't do it for pleasure. I did it for pain". - Lance Armstrong

Nobody can pedal your bike for you